Something's lacking

Dear Suzie:
I have a gorgeous girlfriend and we have a great sex life. Plus, we're members of a swinger's group filled with sensitive, loving, beautiful people.
I have plenty of money and the respect of my colleagues.
Still, there seems to be something missing in my life. What do you suggest?
--Mr. What's Wrong with Me?

Dear Mr. Wrong:
I have panties for sale, if that will help.

Another question you wish you hadn't asked

Dear Suzie:
What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?
--Mickey

Dear Mickey:
They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

How could you say that?

Dear Suzie:
I don't get out of the house much, so there's a lot of questions I could use some answers for. For instance, what does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
--Closeted

Dear Closeted:
A navel.

Be careful what you ask for

Dear Suzie:
I have a friend who had a 12-inch cock, but all the extra weight between his legs caused him to lisp. He went to the doctor and said "Doc, I'll give you anything if you can justh help me get rid of thith awful lispth. My wife justh can't sthand it!"
"It's a deal," the doctor said. "All we have to do is shorten that cock of yours."
Three weeks after the operation, my friend returned to the doc and said: "Doctor, you did great work in getting rid of my lisp, but now my wife complains that the sex just isn't what it used to be. I want my old cock back."
What do you think the doctor said?
--Credulous

Dear Cred:
He said, "A dealth a deal!"   

Drinking game

Dear Suzie:
My girlfriends and I got drunk last night and played that party game where you tell which Hollywood celeb you'd let "go all the way" with you. I chose Val Kilmer from "Top Gun." Who would you choose?
--Still Pretty Straight

Dear Straight:
If I said Keith Richards in "Pirates of the Caribbean," would I be showing my age?

I wanna get kinky

Dear Suzie:
I am SO tired of vanilla sex. What to you think of spicing things up a bit with a little scat?
--Tootie

Dear Tootie:
Suzie's not into potty games, but she does think very highly of doggy style, with a real doggy attached.